Getting Out The Comfort Zone

When I started Kizomba lessons two years ago, I latched onto Tammy for the first few weeks, until she insisted that I dance with the other ladies too. They won’t say no,” she said.

I eventually gathered the courage and approached the ladies one by one, and none of them said no.

VICTORY. But still I was nervous and moved cautiously, not wanting to make a mistake and spoil my chances of dancing with her, and her, and her again.

Now I have the confidence to walk into any party and ask any woman for a dance. In fact, some ask me. I also live by the mantra, ‘be awesome and attractive’ and sometimes I say MAXIMUM EFFORT before I dance, it helps with my low self-esteem.

Just kidding, but being confident in your ability to dance is not easy. For some it takes one lesson, for others, months. But with practice the ability will match the mindset.

Last week I was in Durban, in a completely new setting, with people I didn’t know. The Kizomba music sounded familiar, but there were a few new tracks. The dark floor and bright lights of Vacca Matta added to the excitement, but it was the enthusiasm of Junior and Frida that stood out.


The Mozambican duo is bubbly, lively and had their students laughing, stepping and learning.

In a twist of irony I danced with Tammy, but this Tammy was a Durban local. She said she was comfortable with certain guys and admitted she was tense with me, because she did not know me. I understood, I was in the same situation not so long ago.

Kizomba, though, is an effortless dance. The woman basically hugs the guy, his right hand holds her gently below the shoulder. His left hand firmly clutches her right. They both engage their core (I do this often because I have #sixpackgoals) and the guy then moves forward with his left foot, then right, then left, then right – you get it, right.

The lady does the opposite, and because we are so close to each other, my right foot is between her feet and vice versa. Why? With this stance we don’t step on each other’s toes.

The music moves the gent. I mean, hello. And there we go. Stepping, in tandem, to this beat and that rhythm and…It’s Kizomba.

However, there are some intricacies. They are subtle, the way you step, soft knees, the way she moves her hips, the connection. This – CONNECTION – to me, is the ultimate high point.

The basics remain the same (see Eddy Vents, Lucia Noguiera and Tony Pirata on YouTube) but with each and every dance partner there is a different connection, a distinct energy that is unique to her.

That energy is exclusive to each dancer, and therefore no Kizomba is the same, depending who the partners are.

It’s an awesome feeling, and like many other Kizombies I go back for more. I guess that’s where the addiction lies.

And like a drug, there’s always a craving for more, always a fresh connection to be made. The cycle continues, the high is personified again and again.

6 Comments Add yours

  1. strakawe says:

    Really loving your blog my friend!

  2. Shahied Joseph says:

    Thank you friendzone

  3. Ronelda says:

    Nice read!! Makes me remember why I loved Kizomba! It was the way it made me feel!! Liberated! Free! Moving to those sultry tunes and moving my hips in such a sexy way. Totally intoxicating. I absolutely have to reconnect with that experience!!! 💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽

  4. Max says:

    Love it!!!

  5. Frida Fritsney says:

    💃🏻🕺🏼Thanks for Shahied really inspiring and you know what???you rock it🎶🕺🏼💃🏻

  6. My favourite!
    Love this post…
    Until the next time on the dance floor👠👞

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